An illustration of a valentine with an envelope bearing a postage stamp of the Cornell tower

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We asked Big Red couples for their wisdom on sustaining a relationship—and then we turned their advice into Valentines!

By Joe Wilensky; illustrations by Caitlin Cook

For the past few Februarys, we’ve celebrated Valentine’s Day by asking Cornellian couples to share their most romantic Big Red memories, show off their adorable throwback photos, and regale us with the stories of how they met.

This year, we reached out to several dozen of those couples and asked them to dig deeper: what advice would they give their fellow Cornellians about making relationships work over the long haul?

What makes a successful long-term relationship? How do they keep the romance alive—for years or decades? Among the day-to-day hustle of modern life, how do they make their beloved feel cherished?

Among the many Cornellian Cupids who responded were Paul Hayre ’91 and Jeannette Perez-Rossello ’91—who met during their final months as undergrads, and have been married for more than 30 years.

They offered, among other wisdom, lessons gleaned from their own meet-cute on East Hill:

Sitting with friends, Paul spied his future wife walking into Trillium—and made a beeline to intercept her. Once the awkward small talk had petered out, he asked her on a first date: the Cornell Tradition dance, happening the very next day.

The takeaways?

“You never know when you might meet the love of your life.”

“Ask someone out with a little more lead time than 24 hours.”

“Be gracious toward awkward engineers—they ripen with age!”

From Paul, Jeanette, and other Big Red lovebirds, we collected dozens of pointers on making love last. They include reminders to focus on the little things; to nurture your independence while being stronger together; to listen well; and to make room for each other to mature and change.

“Ultimately, it’s about growing together through experiences and creating a partnership rooted in mutual respect and deep sincere affection from the heart,” said Janet Tang Wong ’02, MEng ’03, and husband Peter Wong ’02, MEng ’03.

“Always stay grateful—and remember why you fell in love with that person in the first place.”

Scroll down for a collection of Big Red Valentine’s Day cards, crafted from your fellow alums’ own words of wisdom! (Editor's note: if you're reading on mobile, turn your phone sideways for the best view.)

Plan date nights in advance. Planning isn’t necessarily “romantic”—but it ensures you don’t miss opportunities to focus on each other.

Dwane Morgan ’02 & Tami Tiamfook-Morgan ’00

Look your partner in the eye when they are speaking. Don't interrupt. Then, ask questions. Listen to the answers. Listening is the foundation of understanding. Understanding is the foundation of love.

Risa Mish ’85, JD ’88 & John Lauricella, MFA ’87, PhD ’93

Just as chopsticks work together to carry food, a successful couple is perfectly complementary and interdependent—relying on mutual support and collaboration to conquer life’s challenges.

Janet Tang Wong ’02, MEng ’03 & Peter Wong ’02, MEng ’03

Make sure your partner is heard—and then act on their needs. It might be as small as picking up their favorite dessert on a bad day; those little extra acts of service can go a long way.

Sheela George ’12 & Owen Amadasun ’12

Communicate! Talk everything out! And don’t sweat the small stuff—because most of the time, it’s all small stuff.

Karen Kaufman Polansky ’67 & Steven Polansky ’67

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Always take your vacation time; turn off your email and your Teams / Slack / etc. and do something fun, exciting, and new together.

Michelle Moyal, DVM ’07 & Morgan Dickens ’08

Always take an opportunity to give little gifts—whether it be a cup of coffee or folded laundry.

Glen Shannon ’88 & Mark Sifling ’87

Employ RBG’s technique for successful spousal discussions: “selective hearing.”

Paul Hayre ’91 & Jeannette Perez-Rossello ’91

Dance in your living room like you did back in college, to some throwback songs—while your spouse looks on with slight concern that you might throw your back out.

Sujin Lim Chang ’96 & Jae Chang ’95, BS ’96

Keep the intimacy in your relationship, even in your later years.

Karen Kaufman Polansky ’67 & Steven Polansky ’67

Send each other notes. Focus on those little things to let your partner know you’re thinking of them.

Dwane Morgan ’02 & Tami Tiamfook-Morgan ’00

The old adage speaks true—“absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Time apart often brings reminders of why you fell head-over-heels the first time.

Paul Hayre ’91 & Jeannette Perez-Rossello ’91

Marry someone you can be quarantined with and still have the best time!

Sheela George ’12 & Owen Amadasun ’12

Be your spouse’s biggest fan and bravest defender.

Sujin Lim Chang ’96 & Jae Chang ’95, BS ’96

Look for ways to surprise each other. Keep things interesting.

Michelle Moyal, DVM ’07 & Morgan Dickens ’08

Published January 31, 2025


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