In 2025, Avoid ‘Specialness Spirals’ (and Practice Self-Gifting)

The Johnson School’s Jacqueline Rifkin offers insights on why waiting too long to use a present may mean getting less joy from it

By Beth Saulnier

Does delayed gratification have a dark side? That was the subject of a 2024 essay in the Wall Street Journal penned by Jacqueline Rifkin, an assistant professor of marketing and management communications in the Johnson School.

It’s where we promise ourselves that we’re going to be these “discipline machines”—never having a cheat day, never splurging—and overly adhere to that discipline.

There’s a strong cultural narrative that we’re totally without discipline. There’s almost a fear—like, “If I didn’t stop myself, I’d have cake for breakfast every day.” Or, “If I didn’t keep those guardrails in place, there would be nothing keeping me from skipping work and losing my job.”

In reality, we’re much more controlled and disciplined than we think—and a lot of us are too controlled. People looking back on their lives don’t tend to say, “I wish I’d worked more.”

2) One example of delayed gratification you discuss is how some people postpone cashing in gift cards—a timely topic for many of us. What’s up with that?

Some of my research is on what we’ve called “specialness spirals”—putting off using something that, actually, isn’t necessarily so special. Maybe it’s a Target gift card or a new sweater. We think, “I’ll save it for something—I don’t know what, but when the occasion comes, I’ll know.”

There’s a strong cultural narrative that we’re totally without discipline. There’s almost a fear—like, ‘If I didn’t stop myself, I’d have cake for breakfast every day.’

But it’s really hard to know. And every time you delay—every time you say “not now, maybe later”—it amps up the specialness of the thing, and it becomes harder and harder to use.

3) So what can we do about it?

I advise one of two strategies. One, try to use the thing as quickly as you can—which sounds obvious, but is really hard if you’re addicted to these specialness spirals, especially if the occasion doesn’t feel appropriate.

The other is to assign an occasion or a “use case” to it, to take the ambiguity away. Like, “I’ll wear this new blouse to that conference next month.” Then, when the time comes, it makes you rip the off Band-Aid, so to speak—and ideally, you have a more positive experience.

4) Besides gift cards and clothing, what things are especially apt to spark “specialness spirals”?

Wine and foods that are out of the ordinary; candles, stationery, journals; kitchen gadgets, like a panini press. People even sometimes do it with TV episodes; they keep saying, “I’ll watch that tomorrow night.”

5) Can you give an instructive example of when you’ve resisted the spiral?

I had a friend bring me back a bottle of wine and some pasta from Italy. This was already starting out pretty darn special, but I didn’t want to fall into the trap that I research.

So I made it for dinner on a Wednesday night—and it felt so wrong while I was doing it. I was like, “What a waste of a beautiful meal; I should have saved it for something—what, I don’t know.” And that’s part of the psychology.

We think, ‘I’ll save it for something—I don’t know what, but when the occasion comes, I’ll know.’ But it’s really hard to know.

But I made memories with a friend who came over, and it ended up being a really beautiful night. And that’s where I make the case that even if it doesn’t feel like the exact right occasion, it’s still adding to the sum of your happy experiences and contributing to your wellbeing.

6) You’ve also done research on “self-gifting.” What’s that?

It’s intentionally creating an experience that’s just for you and your happiness. A lot of people hear that and think, “What, you’re going to buy yourself shoes you can’t afford?” or “I don’t have the PTO to jet off to the Caribbean and treat myself for six days.”

But self-gifting doesn’t have to be those things. It can be taking your dog for a walk, lighting a nice-smelling candle, doing a puzzle, reading a book. It can be these small, low-cost things in money and time—as long as the intention is there that you’re doing it for yourself and your wellness.

Self-gifting can be small, low-cost things in money and time—as long as the intention is there that you’re doing it for yourself.

In our studies, one of the self-gifting tasks we give people is eating a biscotti. We say, “Have as much or as little as you like; take as much or as little time as you need to eat it. Just know that this is a moment for you.”

People take, I think, 90 seconds to eat a biscotti. It’s really about having that intention: “This is something I’m doing just for me.”

(Photo provided.)

Published December 17, 2024

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