\n
When people ask me what I do for work, I tell them I\u2019m unemployed. \u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear that,” they often say. “Were you laid off or fired by your employer, like many of us these days?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,” I tell them. “I\u2019ve been unemployed for almost a year now, due to personal medical challenges.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My responses tend to puzzle the questioner and lead to an awkward silence. On the exterior, I appear to be a capable and confident young professional. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the truth is that I face significant physical and mental health challenges that are not reflected in how I currently appear and talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am an individual who lives with a rare form of brain tumor and has undergone innumerous challenges that not only affect my physical balance, but also spur a constant internal battle regarding \u201cproductivity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In 2019, I graduated from Cornell with achievements that reflected my strong work ethic and motivation. Immediately afterward, I relocated to Washington, DC, and joined a mission-driven consulting firm that focused on advancing outcomes-driven environmental finance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI am an individual who lives with a rare form of brain tumor and has undergone innumerous challenges that not only affect my physical balance, but also spur a constant internal battle regarding ‘productivity.’<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
The Cornellian in me strived to be an overachieving, \u201cperfect\u201d employee by working nights and weekends. These long hours paid off with not only a quick promotion but also high regard from the C-suite executives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But this wasn\u2019t enough. I kept striving for bigger and better\u2014soon joining top-tier consulting companies and earning respect, admiration, and trust from leaders and clients alike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On East Hill’s Flat Rock Bridge.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
My 80-hour workweeks allowed me to feel incredibly productive and successful, and I was proud to be a treasured employee. Little did they all know that I was running off of complete burnout\u2014and a rare form of brain tumor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In fact, I live with a tumor so rare that I have been told by my neuro-oncologist teams at Johns Hopkins and the National Institutes of Health that I am an international sample size of one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While one could think that this designation would affirm my achievements, I found myself defaulting to the thought of being better\u2014of being the \u201cperfect\u201d sample size of one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t until last year, when I was undergoing experimental chemotherapy (while, of course, still working hard), that I was forced to slow down and truly reflect on my definition of productivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last year, I had a brain hemorrhage so traumatic that the roots of my hair turned completely white and I lost all of my motor skills. Not being able to speak, walk, or write frustrated the strategic go-getter in me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And amidst this medical chaos, I coincidentally lost my job, which resulted in significant financial strain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIt wasn\u2019t until last year, when I was undergoing experimental chemotherapy, that I was forced to slow down.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Not only did I have a new status as an individual with disabilities\u2014stripped of even the most basic form of communication\u2014but I was unable to maintain or look for employment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Against all odds, I am still here\u2014talking, thinking, and moving<\/em>. If my productive pursuits came at the cost of my own self, I had to reconstruct my own understanding of productivity. <\/p>\n\n\n\nAs part of my recovery process, I am learning how to redefine the concept of productivity from optimized work output to better management of time and energy that prioritizes my own wellbeing and happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\nDuring Commencement Weekend.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nThis process has led me to reflect on Cornell’s founding principle of “… any person … any study.” I am rewiring my brain to accept that I can and should “study” my emotions and myself as a person. Because only I know the full weight of me\u2014all<\/em> of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSo I have committed myself to pursuing a life of full self-expression through the performing arts\u2014attending dance, acting, and improv classes or performances\u2014which are in complete contrast to my consulting background.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n I have committed myself to pursuing a life of full self-expression through the performing arts, which are in complete contrast to my consulting background.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I have never intentionally tapped into my creativity before, so being a complete novice in every room has resulted in self-doubt and self-criticism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I take a deep breath and remind myself that it is truly a miracle to even show up. That reconstructing my decades-long meaning of productivity is, of course, not a smooth journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPerforming with the Washington Improv Theater.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
I am repeatedly challenged to accept and embrace my imperfections\u2014ones that are part of just being one human being in this world. I know there is still a lot waiting for me, and I will always be a lifelong learner as I continue to pursue my creative journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Looking back, I wish I could tell my undergrad self that it\u2019s OK to not be the best, the most unique, the most (insert your insecurity) all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I could tell her that it\u2019s OK to prioritize yourself and realize that everyone\u2019s journey is unique\u2014and that one\u2019s definition of productivity can evolve, both during and after Cornell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Michelle Shin \u201919 <\/em><\/strong>grew up between Milwaukee, WI, and South Korea. She majored in interdisciplinary studies in CALS, with minors in gerontology and in law and society. As a student, she often walked and biked through Tompkins County and meditated in the Botanic Gardens.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n(All images provided.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nPublished September 15, 2025<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From Cornell to my consulting career, I was determined to be the hardest worker\u2014until a severe health crisis intervened<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":68,"featured_media":58531,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"alumni_hub_syml_posts":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[639],"tags":[],"cornell_year_post":[],"post_folder":[],"class_list":["post-57670","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perspectives"],"yoast_head":"\n
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