{"id":25955,"date":"2023-09-08T15:54:42","date_gmt":"2023-09-08T19:54:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alumni.cornell.edu\/cornellians\/?p=25955"},"modified":"2023-09-08T16:31:23","modified_gmt":"2023-09-08T20:31:23","slug":"kunken-memoir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alumni.cornell.edu\/cornellians\/kunken-memoir\/","title":{"rendered":"In a New Memoir, Disabled Alum Reflects on a Remarkable Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Paralyzed from the neck down as an undergrad, Ken Kunken \u201972, BS \u201973, MA \u201977, has become a lawyer, husband, and father of three<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Lindsay Lennon<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When teenagers declare their college plans, it\u2019s not typically fodder for the local TV news\u2014but most high school seniors aren\u2019t the Kunken boys. When the 18-year-old triplets decided where they\u2019d be going to school in fall 2023, the story made headlines in their hometown newspapers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It even drew a camera crew<\/a> from CBS New York to record a segment in their airy, light-filled living room in Rockville Centre, Long Island.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the family, it\u2019s a familiar scenario: the brothers\u2014James, Joseph, and Timothy\u2014have been the subject of media coverage since they were born in January 2005. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Kunken with wife Anna and (from left) sons Joseph, James, and Timothy, each clad in their college swag.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s because their dad, Ken Kunken \u201972, BS \u201973, MA \u201977<\/a>, defied the odds not only in fathering them, but in overcoming barriers throughout his adult life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a 20-year-old junior on the Hill, Kunken suffered a severe spinal cord injury while playing football, resulting in near-total paralysis from the neck down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Less than a year later, he returned to complete his engineering degree, becoming the first quadriplegic to graduate from Cornell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

He went on to earn two master\u2019s degrees and a JD, becoming an assistant district attorney for Nassau County, NY, where he prosecuted more than 50 felony jury trials to verdict over a 40-year career.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prior to law school at Hofstra, Kunken worked as a certified rehabilitation counselor for people with severe disabilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He remains an active motivational speaker and advocate for laws and accommodations that empower disabled children and adults to achieve their full potential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now 73 and mostly retired, Kunken has notched yet another achievement: authoring a memoir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n<\/div>

\"The<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I Dream of Things that Never Were: The Ken Kunken Story, <\/em>published by a small press<\/a> devoted to legal affairs, came out in e-book form in August 2023, with hard copies expected in early October.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The book, Kunken says, has been more than a half-century in the making.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While he was in a NYC rehabilitation center after his injury, a friend encouraged him to share his thoughts as a form of therapeutic journaling\u2014and to offer others a glimpse into his experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two
Kunken (right) a week before his injury.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

The friend would visit Kunken weekly, asking about his daily life as well as his background. After about a year, Kunken had a pile of transcribed notes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd then,\u201d he says, \u201cit just sat there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having retained partial use of his left arm, Kunken\u2014using braces, splints, and occupational therapy techniques\u2014learned to feed himself and turn pages on his own, but even small exertions still tire him quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sporadically, he added to the memoir over the years, typing with the eraser end of a pencil inserted into a wrist splint worn on his left arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Back on campus as an undergrad.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\n

\u201cIf I could type one page,\u201d he recalls, \u201cI\u2019d be thoroughly exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, he began dictating it, with the transcription done by his wife, Anna. \u201cShe\u2019d say, \u2018You\u2019ve got to talk more about your feelings,\u2019\u201d he recalls. \u201cShe tried to draw out more from me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Running 400-plus pages, the memoir explores Kunken\u2019s experiences in unsparing detail. Some chapters, particularly those covering the injury and its immediate aftermath, are harrowing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI debated whether it would be too difficult for some people to read,\u201d Kunken admits. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut then I started thinking: it\u2019s important. I\u2019m at a terrific place in my life. I have an incredible wife, three wonderful sons whom I couldn\u2019t be more proud of. To talk about what it was like when I couldn\u2019t even envision something like this happening to me was very <\/em>difficult\u2014but I want people to know what that was like.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His overarching message: if we expect more from people who are severely disabled, and provide them with proper support, thousands could lead far more fulfilling and productive lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I debated whether it would be too difficult for some people to read.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In fact, Kunken says, the book\u2019s title is a call to action for disabled individuals to dream bigger\u2014and to push the limits of what the world thinks they can do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe shows that you don\u2019t really need the standard family structure or setting to have a good life,\u201d reflects Joseph. \u201cWe\u2019re different in every single way from the norm\u2014but I think we came out okay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Of the triplets, Joseph is the only one who has followed his dad to the Hill, matriculating into the Class of \u201927 with plans to study physics in the College of Arts & Sciences. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But all three are staying in New York State, with Timothy at Syracuse University and James at SUNY Morrisville.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is the first time our boys have been separated for more than a few days,\u201d Kunken observes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\u2019re all pursuing something different. It will be quite an adventure for them\u2014and for us, not having them here.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>

\"A
Attending a lecture.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

In mid-August 2023, the couple took the family\u2019s customized accessible van from Long Island to help Joseph settle in on the Hill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowadays, Kunken notes, college campuses\u2014along with theaters, train stations, and government buildings\u2014are places where he can expect his wheelchair to be accommodated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He knows, without calling ahead, that there will be accessible bathrooms, curb cuts, and ramps allowing him to navigate the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
At work as an assistant DA.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

That wasn\u2019t the case in the early 1970s, nearly two decades before passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Returning to campus meant relying on others to get around, not to mention for help with other activities of daily life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before ramps were standard, Kunken was bounced up and down countless sets of steps; in his book, he writes about his Sigma Nu fraternity brothers carrying him through two feet of snow to attend a hockey game at Lynah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>
<\/div><\/div>
\"A
Adaptive tools facilitated his studies.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\"College
With friends in Sage Hall.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\"A
Aides helped Kunken navigate campus.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>
<\/div><\/section>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou just didn\u2019t see other people in wheelchairs,\u201d Kunken recalls. \u201cAnd if you did, they at least had use of their arms and could wheel themselves. Few people had ever seen somebody in my condition out at all\u2014let alone at a college campus. It attracted a lot of attention.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just before resuming his studies at Cornell, Kunken had an opportunity to use his newfound publicity to advocate for change\u2014though he admits that at the time he didn\u2019t realize his potential impact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the late U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy was scheduled to conduct a health subcommittee hearing, one of his aides asked Kunken to attend, having read a Newsday <\/em>editorial about him and the mounting costs of his daily care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Touring his alma mater with Joseph (right) and Timothy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Kunken\u2019s testimony made national headlines, and he was extensively quoted in Kennedy\u2019s 1972 book, In Critical Condition: The Crisis in America\u2019s Health Care<\/em> (the senator also sent Kunken an autographed copy). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Kunken\u2019s memoir, he recalls being \u201cdumbstruck\u201d when Kennedy talked about him<\/a> on \u201cThe Dick Cavett Show.\u201d Years later, Kennedy would introduce the landmark bill that led to the passage of the ADA in 1990.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The subsequent federally required accommodations opened up a life for Kunken that had previously seemed impossible\u2014from taking train trips into the city for Broadway shows with Anna to going on college tours with his sons. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Kunken with his father (far right) and (from left) U.S. Senators Ted Kennedy and Peter Dominick. <\/figcaption><\/figure>
\n

\u201cThe difficult part of what I went through was not just my physical condition,\u201d says Kunken, \u201cbut people\u2019s attitudes and expectations towards me and what I could do, should do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If few people believed Kunken could earn four degrees and prosecute criminal cases, even fewer thought he\u2019d ever get married.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

In his book, he admits he didn\u2019t think it was possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was certain,\u201d he writes, \u201ca woman would be better off with someone who did not have the severe physical limitations I had.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But that changed when he met Anna, who came to the U.S. from Poland to immerse herself in English and fell for Kunken while working as his home health aide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Two years after their wedding, a then-novel in-vitro procedure enabled the birth of the triplets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

While they were born five weeks premature and spent nearly a month in the neonatal ICU, they had no lasting medical issues.<\/p>\n<\/div>

\"A
The Kunkens at their 2003 nuptials.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Joseph says that when he and his siblings were young, Kunken\u2019s condition inherently \u201cmade us more aware of the world around us, and how accommodating it is\u201d for people like their dad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A number of times, Kunken also took the triplets to visit a school and vocational training facility for people with disabilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wanted them exposed at a very early age to not just myself, but to a lot of people with different types of disabilities,\u201d says Kunken, \u201cand to not only feel comfortable around them, but to appreciate all the things a person with a disability can do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

The Provider<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In an excerpt from his memoir, Kunken recalls grappling with what fatherhood would mean<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Timmy now seemed to have his eyes open every time I was in his room, as if he had been waiting for me, so I tended to spend more time beside his incubator. There was a big difference between just watching a sleeping baby versus watching a baby who was looking straight at me intently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The nurses said that Timmy would benefit from close contact with his parents. \u201cCuddling with Daddy\u201d therapy was recommended. During one of my evening visits, Anna unbuttoned my shirt, pulled up my T-shirt, and put a diapered but otherwise naked Timmy against my chest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He snuggled there for a while, with Anna holding Timmy close to my skin. It was incredible to feel his small hands touching me. It was wonderfully strange to feel him moving against me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

It was wonderfully strange to feel him moving against me.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

One day, a NICU nurse who didn\u2019t know me very well thought it would be great if I held Timmy by myself. I was apprehensive but figured the nurse knew what he was doing. He assured me he would remain close by. He then put Timmy, bundled in a blanket, in the crook of my left arm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Timmy was very small but still weighed more than three pounds. My left arm had gotten stronger over the years, but supporting Timmy\u2019s weight for more than a few seconds was a huge effort for me. I didn\u2019t even have my lapboard to rest my arm on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As soon as the nurse put Timmy in my left arm, I knew it had not been a good idea. I was scared to death that my arm would fatigue and I would drop him. Within a few seconds, I told the nurse to take Timmy away. I didn\u2019t want the nurse to think I didn\u2019t want to hold my son. I would have given anything to be able to do that for hours, but I knew my limitations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Storytime for the triplets.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

I recognized that my role as a father would be limited physically. I would never be able to pick the boys up when they cried, or change their diapers, or give them a bottle. I would have to find different ways to be helpful. My role was to be exclusively that of provider, and I worried I wouldn\u2019t even be able to do that adequately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As soon as we had found out we were expecting triplets, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about the expenses it would involve. During many long, sleepless nights, I tried to come up with different ways to pay for the help Anna would need. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought about every possible way to use my financial resources to the best advantage. No matter which way I approached the problem, though, I still seemed to fall short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I recognized that my role as a father would be limited physically. I would have to find different ways to be helpful.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Anna pointed out that my role of \u201cprovider\u201d was very similar to the role my father had assumed after my accident. He never really provided me with any physical help. Instead, he focused on making sure money was there to pay for the help I needed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I desperately wanted to care for my sons but I obviously could not do so physically. I started to better appreciate my father\u2019s concerns about finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also started to realize how awful my father must have felt, back in 1970, when he received that first phone call about my injury. My three sons were only a few weeks old but already I could not imagine my life without them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From <\/em>I Dream of Things that Never Were: The Ken Kunken Story\u00a0by Kenneth J. Kunken, a publication of\u00a0<\/em>Twelve Tables Press<\/em><\/a>, an independent legal trade press. Copyright \u00a9 2023 by Kenneth J. Kunken. Included by permission of the\u00a0publisher\u00a0and author.<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Top: Cheering the Big Red at Schoellkopf. This and other vintage, black-and-white campus photos by Jim Cunningham \u201971, BS \u201972, MEng \u201975 (except the shots of Kunken at a lecture and in Sage Hall, by Roger Archibald \u201968, BA \u201973).<\/em> All other images provided.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Published September 8, 2023<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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